


You Told Me Once, Dear, You Really Loved Me

by darkangel86



Series: My Sunshine [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bad Friend Clary Fray, Dad Magnus Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Family Feels, Insecure Simon Lewis, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Simon-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel86/pseuds/darkangel86
Summary: Simon fidgeted where he sat, staring down at the messages he'd finally opened and read on his phone. He flinched, almost as if he could hear Clary's voice screaming at him through the text messages. It had been a few weeks now that Simon had moved in with Magnus and Jace, and technically Alec, and in that time Simon had pretty much cut off communication with anyone outside of them and Raphael.





	You Told Me Once, Dear, You Really Loved Me

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry it took so long to update this piece! I got distracted writing all kinds of Maryse Lightwood feels but I finished that verse so I plan to spend a lot more time working on this one. :)

Simon fidgeted where he sat, staring down at the messages he'd finally opened and read on his phone. He flinched, almost as if he could hear Clary's voice screaming at him through the text messages. It had been a few weeks now that Simon had moved in with Magnus and Jace, and technically Alec, and in that time Simon had pretty much cut off communication with anyone outside of them and Raphael.

It was possible that Simon knew he wasn't being realistic. It wasn't like he could hide away from the real world forever. Even if he was a vampire and technically not part of the mundane world anymore, he still had a life and hiding in Magnus' loft wasn't in any way living his undead life.

After the first time Simon had woken up alone in the loft which ended in him having a severe panic attack before Alec had made it home to him, Simon had luckily not been left alone since. It seemed that someone was always in the loft with him and he couldn't have been more thankful for his new family if he'd tried.

Magnus was like the father Simon hadn't realized he'd needed, always there for him, knowing when Simon needed something as small as a shoulder to lean on. Magnus never judged, never made Simon feel bad for the things he couldn't control, especially his sudden irrational fear of being alone. None of them made him feel bad where that was concerned. Alec might as well have been the brother Simon had never had. Nothing had shocked him more than waking up in Alec's arms after the panic attack he'd had that day, only to find himself completely at ease. He felt safe with Alec around, like no matter what, things were going to be okay. Raphael was suddenly the best friend he hadn't realized he'd missed, always calling or coming by the loft just to see how his day was going, just to make sure he knew that Simon had someone there for him if he ever needed him.

Jace, on the other hand, was a whole new kind of thing in Simon's life that he hadn't known he needed. He sure as heck hadn't expected him, not after how they'd originally butt heads when they met all those months ago. But here he was, waltzing into Simon's life and stealing the breath from his lungs with a simple smile. Jace, with his gorgeous eyes and unfairly chiseled jaw line, his beautiful blonde hair and Simon was so far gone on the Shadowhunter it was kind of ridiculous. This, Simon knew, was what love was supposed to feel like.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Simon focused once again on the text messages from Clary. It seemed her anger hadn't lessened in the couple of weeks that it had been since she'd seen him. Simon hated that he'd upset her so badly. It hadn't been intentional. He would never hurt Clary. He loved her. Unfortunately, it just wasn't in the way she'd expected him to.

“I think you were staring at your phone the last time I walked through, darling,” Magnus said as walked out onto the balcony, stopping beside Simon and resting a gentle hand on the vampire's shoulder.

“Yeah. I. I uh, finally decided to check the missed messages on my phone and it turns out Clary's still pissed.” Simon said with a defeated sigh as he leaned into Magnus' touch.

“My offer still stands. I can speak to her for you, if you'd like.” Magnus offered again and while Simon appreciated it more than he could describe, he knew there was no way he could keep on hiding from Clary.

“Thanks. That means a lot but this is something I've got to do myself. If she's gonna be mad, then I guess there's nothing I can really do about it but I still need to explain some things to her.” Simon explained.

“If you don't want to go out and meet her somewhere, you can always invite her here. We can all make ourselves scarce if you want. I don't think Alec or Jace will actually leave you alone with her but I can make sure they don't interrupt anything.” Magnus said with a smile.

“Ya know, if you'd told me, back when I first met Alec, that he'd eventually develop this weird, overprotective thing for me, I'd probably have tried to have you committed.” Simon chuckled, shaking his head but smiling nevertheless.

“Alexander has a way of surprising us all, doesn't he?” Magnus asked with a smirk. “You scared him that day though and he might never admit it out loud but he worries about you. He cares about you. Its always a good thing when a Lightwood or two cares. I speak from experience, after all.” Magnus winked down at Simon and Simon grinned up at the warlock.

“Yeah. I kinda like it.” Simon admitted softly. “Speaking of Lightwoods that care, when are you going to tell Alec you love him?” Simon asked, trying his best not to laugh when Magnus began choking on thin air.

“Excuse you?” Magnus asked in between coughing fits. 

“Magnus. _Dad_.” Simon said softly. “Its kinda obvious.”

“Angels above help me.” Magnus whispered. “Is it really?”

“I mean, it is to me but then I know what it looks like to love someone as much as you do but still be afraid to tell them how much you care. I spent years chasing after Clary, always dreaming of the day she'd finally notice how much I loved her, only with you and Alec, there's nothing to worry about. He loves you too.” Simon said a little sadly.

“And what about you, dear one?” Magnus asked, finally giving in and taking a seat beside of Simon on the lounge chair, pulling him into his side. “When do you plan on telling Jace how you feel?” He asked and Simon felt his eyes widen. He was sure his pulse would have quickened, if he had a pulse.

“Its too soon.” Simon finally said, ducking his head and looking down. “Its way too soon.”

“There is no certain time frame for love, my boy. For some it happens slow, for others its a love at first sight kind of thing. You've known Jace for a while now and maybe it wasn't love at first sight but he's become someone you can depend on, someone you know will be there for you if you need him. Yes, he was unexpected but that doesn't mean you can't love him already. I'm pretty sure I loved Alexander the first time I laid eyes on him.” Magnus said with a wistful sigh.

“I think that was lust, Magnus,” Simon said with a grin and Magnus pinched his arm in retaliation. 

“Be that as it may,” Magnus stressed with a roll of his eyes. “Loving Jace after only being together for a short time is okay. Its also okay if you don't. Or if you don't know for sure yet. You have to do these things at your own pace, darling, no one else's. Its not the same for everyone. But, if you do love him, I think you should tell him. You might be surprised by the response you get from him.” Magnus said with a teasing smirk and Simon felt a little more at ease, relaxing into Magnus' arms and closing his eyes.

“I don't need time to think about it, Magnus. I love him.” Simon admitted, sighing as he snuggled further into Magnus' warm embrace.

“I'm happy for you, dear one.” Magnus said softly as he placed a kiss on top of Simon's head. “You rest now. Jace will be home soon.”

“Hmm. Thanks, dad.” Simon mumbled as he drifted off to sleep, safe and content in Magnus' arms.

&&

Simon jerked awake, unsure at first what it was that had woken him from such a peaceful sleep. It only took seconds to realize it was someone yelling. Someone inside the loft. Someone was angry and they were doing a good job of letting everyone know. Taking a minute to let the panic subside, Simon stood and opened the balcony door, almost immediately wishing he hadn't.

“...not care what you have to say, I want to see Simon!” Clary's shrill voice cut through Simon's calm demeanor like ice.

“And I'll say again, you can not expect to come barging in here, making demands like you have any right!” Alec snapped, standing a little taller with his arms crossed over his chest, blocking Clary's view of Simon.

“This isn't your home, Alec, you can't tell me what to do!” Clary yelled, sounding very much like a three year old who wasn't getting her way.

“Well it sure as hell isn't your home!” Alec fired back, his hands now clenched into fists at his side.

“But Simon is _MY_ friend and I am tired of him ignoring me! Its been weeks and since he won't return my calls or answer my texts I decided to come to him!” Clary countered, his arms coming up to cross over her chest.

“Oh! OH!” Alec took a step closer to Clary and Simon could see the way he'd tensed up suddenly. “He's your friend? Really? I find that very hard to believe.”

“Excuse you? Simon and I have been best friends since we were little kids!” Clary said, taking a step closer to Alec. Simon braced himself for what he knew wasn't going to be pretty.

“And yet, you abandon him right when he needs you most!” Alec accused and Clary gaped at him, obviously confused.

“What are you talking about? Simon's the one that abandoned me! He led me on! Told me he loved me then changed his mind!” Clary screeched and Simon decided now was the time to make his presence known.

“Uh, I didn't change my mind.” Simon said, coming into view, nervously wringing his hands together.

“Simon!” Clary exclaimed, pushing past Alec and moving towards Simon. Or rather, attempting to. _Thank god for vampire speed_ , Simon thought as he moved out of Clary's way to stand at Alec's side.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked. “I will physically remove her myself if you want me to.” He offered.

“I'm good, Alec. I'm okay.” Simon replied, obvious nervous as his voice shook when he spoke. “I can do this.”

“I'm not going anywhere, okay? Jace is on his way. He knows I'm upset and that I'm with you and I can feel his unease.” Alec informed him and at that Simon let out a shuddering breath.

“This is... what is this?” Clary demanded. “Since when are you two friends?”

“Since I needed someone, Clary,” Simon started. “I needed a friend and Alec and Magnus and Jace, they were there for me when I needed them.”

“That's ridiculous, Simon. I'm your friend. I've always been your friend.” Clary scoffed.

“He's allowed more than one friend, Fray.” Alec snapped and Simon placed a reassuring hand on Alec's arm, squeezing just enough to calm Alec down.

“I never said he wasn't but since when do you care? You've always hated Simon.” Clary said, matter of factly.

“I don't hate him. I've never hated him. He annoyed me, that's all.” Alec said with a roll of his eyes.

“Okay. Whatever. I'd like to speak to Simon. Alone. So if you don't mind, could you leave?” Clary asked. 

“Nope. Sorry. I'm not going anywhere. Not unless Simon tells me to leave.” Alec said, looking down at the relief on Simon's face and knowing he'd said the right thing.

Before Clary could open her mouth to retort, Jace burst through the doors of the loft, his eyes zeroing in on Simon.

“By the angel, what's wrong?” Jace asked, doing a double take when his eyes landed on Clary. “Ah.”

Simon suddenly felt like everything was going to be okay. Jace was there now and Simon knew he would never let anything happen.

“Clary.” Simon said, with Alec on his left and Jace on his right. “I'm sorry for ignoring your calls and messages but I needed some time to myself. I needed to work through some things and Magnus offered me a room here to get me out of the boat house so I guess I've sort of been hiding but I needed time for myself.” He tried to explain.

“For what? Simon, I'm the one that got hurt. You hurt me.” Clary whined.

“I never meant to hurt you, Clary. You have to know that but I had to be honest with you.” Simon insisted.

“You led me on!” Clary accused and on either side of him, Simon felt both Alec and Jace tense up.

“I didn't, Clary. I did not. At least not intentionally. I thought I loved you! And, and I do. Just, not in the way I thought I did. I am sorry if I made you think there was a possibility for more than there was between us but come on, you don't love me like that either.” Simon said, knowing she didn't.

“I really don't think nows the time for this, do you?” Jace asked, stepping forward and attempting to place himself between Simon and Clary. “If Simon wanted to talk, he could have answered one of your calls. You can't just come in here and demand answers from him. I'm sorry, but you can't.”

“Since when do you care?” Clary asked with a hint of anger in her voice. “Since when do either of you care about Simon! No one cares about Simon!”

Simon flinched at Clary's words, wishing more than anything that he could just curl in on myself and cry. He wanted to hide himself away from everyone and everything. He could feel the panic as it slowly began to unfurl in his chest, the sudden inability to breathe closing in on him.

“Simon. Simon!” Alec yelled, only to Simon it sounded like he was under water, all muffled and hard to hear. He felt someone's hands grasp his shoulders, shaking him lightly, snapping Simon back to the present and forcing him to take a much needed deep breath.

“-out! Get out, Clary!” Jace was yelling and Simon turned just in time to see the blonde boy shove Clary out the front door and slam it in her face.

“S-she's g-gonna be s-so m-mad.” Simon stuttered as he reached out for Jace, wrapping his arms around him, gripping his shirt tightly and bunching the material up in his hands.

“I really don't give a damn,” Jace muttered, his lips pressed against Simon's temple, while his arms held the shaking vampire tight. “She had no right coming in here like that. No right!”

“I'll make sure Magnus' fixes the wards so she can't come in uninvited again.” Alec said, his voice hard and determined as he ran a hand up and down Simon's arm in comfort.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Simon mumbled against Jace's chest.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, babe,” Jace said, holding Simon just a bit tighter. 

“S'my fault.” Simon said.

“It is not.” Alec said, his voice suddenly softer than Simon could remember it ever being.

“I'm gonna take him to lie down,” Jace said, speaking to Alec. 

“I'm gonna call Magnus, let him know what happened. If you need anything, just yell.” Alec said and Simon felt Jace nod.

Inside the room that Simon shared with Jace, Simon reluctantly let go of Jace and sat down heavily on the bed. He sighed as he dropped his head into shaking hands. He'd been doing so much better lately. Hadn't had a single attack in days and now this. All because Clary decided to show up unannounced and send Simon ten steps backwards from where he'd come.

“Hey. Hey, Simon, look at me.” Jace said from where he'd dropped down to his knees in from of Simon. “You can't let her do this to you, babe. She's not worth it.” He said soothingly.

“She was my friend.” Simon said pitifully.

“I know. I know, babe but if she's going to act that? Treat you like she just did? Simon, that's not a friend. Okay? That's not how someone is supposed to treat someone they claim to care about. I'm not the brightest person when it comes to a lot of stuff but I know emotional manipulation when I see it.” Jace said sadly.

Simon nearly choked on a hiccuping sob as it threatened to tear out from between his lips.

“You're okay. I swear to all the angels listening, Simon, you are okay. I won't let anything hurt you. I promise you, babe. I promise.” Jace spoke softly into Simon's ear, his arms wrapped around the shaking vampire as he cried. 

Jace felt his heart break a little more as each new tear slipped from Simon's eyes. There was absolutely no reason this beautiful boy should ever be made to feel like he was feeling. 

“Simon, Simon. Hey. I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? I know you can do it. Alec said you're stupidly good at taking deep breaths considering you don't need to actually breathe anymore,” Jace teased, holding his breath while he watched as Simon tried to do as he asked. “That's good, Simon. That's so good.” Jace assured him.

“Sorry.” Simon finally said, once he'd taken control of himself again and evened out his breathing.

“Nothing to apologize for, babe.” Jace said as he leaned up and placed a kiss on the side of Simon's mouth. “By the angel, do you have any idea...” He trailed off.

“What?” Simon asked, leaning back so that he could look down into Jace's eyes. He looked on the verge of tears himself.

“Do you have any idea just how much I love you?” Jace asked, sounding as breathless as Simon felt. With another hiccuping sob, Simon threw himself into Jace's arms, knocking them both down onto the floor.

“I love you. I love you too. I love you so much.” Simon said against Jace's lips, causing the Shadowhunter to laugh.

From just outside the door, Alec smiled. He'd leave them alone for now. They deserved that much.

“By the angel, Magnus, you will not believe...” Alec's voice trailed off as he answered his phone, sighing in relief at the sound of his lovers voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
